Can girls and guys be JUST friends? No, they can’t.
Words by Anonymous.
I say: No. Girls and guys cannot be ‘just’ friends.
No, it is not possible to truly invest time into and maintain a heterosexual boy-girl friendship without one party secretly hoping it will be more in the future.
I’m about to spin some serious truth here, be prepared to have your minds blown. If you are female and reading this then you are definitely disagreeing with me, thinking ‘You can totally just be friends, I have loads of guy friends’.
OR you are a male and initially agree with females and thinking ‘well, of course guys and girls can be platonic mates!’ UNTIL you take a quick mental scan through all of your female ‘friends’ and realise there’s not a single female friend who you haven’t imagined naked.
Woah. W-o-a-h. I know, wow. I scare myself sometimes.
This should come as no surprise. This topic is going to require a little soul searching, so let’s be real. You are not alone in the way you think, us human beings generally think in pretty similar patterns when it comes to love and sex. The way we think is often largely determined by the influence of our respective genders and sex hormones have on our mental make-up.
For example: Whilst women think on a matrix-level of complexity, men think with alarming simplicity (they think with their penis).
Let me explain.
Women are complex, emotional creatures who have many tiers of thoughts, feelings and moods that vary so sporadically that they often confuse themselves (ever asked a girl what she wants to eat? It’s a free ticket to a mental breakdown, 10 mind-changes and a level of indecisiveness so intense that makes her question her very existence).
Girls. do. not. make. simple. decisions.
They just don’t.
Consider this: how many couples do you see where a girl is a bonafide 10 and has settled for guy who is a deadset 6 at best for who-the-fuck-knows what reason? How many of us have female friends who continually run back to Mr-Bad-News-Barry and surprise surprise, are continually fucked over? All because they’ve crazily convinced themselves that the drop-kick will change for them.
Moral of the story here is that girls are
complex delusional and sex doesn’t necessarily control their thought processes (except for maybe a few nymphomaniacs out there. I’m on your side nymphos, you go Glen Coco).
Then there are guys who are the opposite.
Men are more simple creatures, with the range of emotional depth often being no greater than a teaspoon (ZING! Credit to Hermione granger from Harry Potter for that sexist truth errybody) and are widely renowned for making romantic decisions with their genitalia.
Whether guys will care to admit it or not – they see things in a sexual light before anything else is considered.
They might only consider a girl sexually for a split second before realising:
A) this girl is taken and is therefore off limits,
B) her head looks like a half-sucked Twistie when she laughs, or
C) her personality is so infuriating you’d rather masturbate with sandpaper then consider her as a romantic interest.
Even if you’ve been friends since infancy, and you “just see him as a brother”, the same will not always be the case for him. As soon as he hits puberty, has a wet dream and you grow into a woman, you can bet your bottom dollar he will start to see you differently. Call it the work of testosterone and its influence on the limbic system (unnecessary science fact: centre of brain responsible for our emotional life), call it natural physical maturation and attraction, or even call me on my bullshit.
Just trust me on this, in the male brain sex comes first. It always comes first.
And because guys are this way, being truly friends with a girl without holding a faint, irrational hope that it will turn into more somewhere down the line is out of the question. This doesn’t mean guys will act on these feelings, or ever let you know about these sexual impulses… but don’t be fooled into thinking your guy mate “just sees you as a friend”, too.
Some messages to take home:
Guys – your secret is out. Be scared. Start deleting your porn history where you’ve obviously gone through and tried to find porn stars who look like your female ‘friends’. Also, remember that your girlfriend’s “close guy friends” probably think a lot like you, and yeah, they’ve probably pictured her naked.
Girls – stop with the whole “we get along really well but I just don’t see him like that”. Chances are he wouldn’t oppose to seeing you like that. So, now you know, wise up a little with how much time you invest into these ‘just friend’ situations if you want to avoid awkward ‘oh but I thought you knew…’ conversations down the track.
What do you think? Can girls and guys be completely platonic mates?
The male author has requested his name remain anonymous. He has no formal writing education besides year 12 English (surprising, right?!). He has, however, been told he is both incredibly good looking and intriguing.
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