Graduating from uni? It’s probably gonna take you 5 YEARS to find full-time work…

I’m in the worst effing mood.

Worse than when I found out Australian Victoria’s Secret stores only stock perfume and like two pairs of underwear (@Vic Secret, lift your game and give us some bras and bikinis pls, body spray just doesn’t cut it).

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ANYWAY – Today I have learned a thing that I did not want to learn.

It’s a bad thing. Oh, you guys, it’s a very bad thing.

And this thing has made me a touch touchy.

“Why are you a touch touchy, you Weird-Psycho-Blogger-Lady?” I hear you ask with pure fear.

Well, Reader-Who-Needs-To-Learn-To-Read-Blog-Titles (jks, you know I love ya), I just read that it takes an average of 4.7 years to get full-time employment after graduating university. Yup. That’s right. If you have a bachelor’s degree, half a decade will probably pass before you get a real-adulty-full-time-proper-job.

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wat

4. Point Seven. Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrsssssss.

That’s 56.4 months.

Or 1716 days.

It’s 41,184 hours. Spent waiting. Waiting and searching for the amount of work necessary to support yourself. To actually grow up and do that whole ‘adult’ thing everyone keeps harping on about.

THAT’S EFFING INSANITY, THAT’S WHAT THAT IS.

Let’s visualise it, shall we? We’re all gonna jump into this time-machine and see how long 4.7 years really is…

4.7 years ago, this was the number 1 song on our hit music charts:

PITBULLSONG

Nearly half a decade has passed and I am yet to recover from this monstrosity. I’m still trying to erase this song from my mind and recover full vision after being blinded by the light reflecting off Pitbull’s scalp.

A world with fewer Pitbull songs is a better one. The day he re-enters the charts is the day I light myself on fire.

4.7 years ago, these two were still an item:

kim kardashian

Never 4get the 70 days that included both ‘the wedding of the decade’ and the most hilarious, effed-up separation of the modern era. KimPhries – always in our hearts, and forever reminding us that no matter how bad shit gets, at least we didn’t have a marriage that failed in less than three months.

Bless ’em.

4.7 years ago, I looked like (and took photos like) this:

me 4.7 years ago

Oh, the shame. The shame is so real. P.S. How good did my hair look? Right?! Not at all super ratty and thin and ew – not at alllllll.

So I think you get my gist. 4.7 years = a long time (and a very much needed haircut).

My main point is this: Half a decade is too long to be the average amount of time uni grads go without work. And you know who I blame for it? The universities.

The uni system uses outdated, stale texts to teach areas that are growing faster than Justin Bieber’s following right now, and it’s ridiculous. University courses, particularly bachelor’s degrees, pretty much ignore practical skills all together. When we should be learning about using technologies, and implementing our ‘knowledge’, we’re writing dumb academic essays that have no use anywhere for anything. Academic essays are not only soul destroying, they’re pointless unless you plan on becoming a scholar. (I’m assuming that the large, large majority of my readers do not, in fact, want to become scholars. Just a guess.)

Instead of scholars, I actually picture you all to look something like this:

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And good lord I couldn’t love ya more if I tried.

This year, in my very expensive course, I was given a text about the online communication FROM 2006. Two-thousand-and-six. Now what exactly can I possibly learn about the Internet from a text that was written when Tom from Myspace was my secret crush? Exactly. Nothing. It’s total bullshit.

Our uni courses should be giving us experience. They should be showing us how businesses operate. They should be teaching us how to do things not merely observe things. Because knowledge is useless unless you know how to use it.

And now, because of the outdated, bullshit system, a university degree means eff all. You can’t just rock up to an interview with a bachelor’s degree, you need to have 11 internships under your belt and glowing reviews from Albus Dumbledore and a friendly neighbourhood elf.

Uni degrees teach you how to reference texts properly and reword quotes. And I’m sorry… but that’s about it.

So I’m calling bullshit on you, university system.

You cost too goddamn much and crush too many souls to just put us back 4.7 years. And you need to check yourself.

P.S. I graduate in December can someone pls give me a job? Ta.

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