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All of the things I wish I could tell my 18-year-old self.

Sometimes I do wonder: If you met me, would you like me?

A tribute to all the lip balms I’ve lost this year.

My lips are chapped, my bank account is empty and wit has ended.

Wanting to be healthy isn’t arrogant.

Arrrrrite?

UNPOPULAR OPINION: I hate Mimco pouches.

Slowly, one by one, people are being recruited into the Mimco Pouch Cult.

“Don’t worry, none of us know what the EFF we’re doing.”

“Not even a lil’ bit.”

How to answer “why are you single?” this Xmas.

You’re welcome.

“Are my standards too high?”

We all have a checklist in our heads of “must haves” and “deal breakers”.

Don’t be dicks to retail employees this Christmas.

“Just… don’t.”

You spend this much of your life doing your makeup…

“Mmmm soooo pigmented.”

‘Stop guilt tripping me into donating money.’

Why yes, Cotton On employees who look at me with eyes full of disgust everytime I reject a $1 bottle of water, I’m looking at Y-O-U.